Oh, this app is life-changing! Somehow it turned my mom’s basement into a luxury penthouse and my dusty Lego collection into a fleet of Rolexes. Finally, no more creeping through bushes or “accidentally” peeking in windows—technology really is amazing. I’ve gone on more dates than I ever thought possible, especially with women who’d normally only communicate through their lawyers. My skin suit is almost complete, and honestly, with results like these, I might just start an Etsy empire.